But it's not our responsibility?

Reading my facebook at the moment anyone would think that I hated this country. They'd be right. There's been nothing but things to rant about this week from the countries selfish attitue regarding giving aid to poorer countries to once again the racism shining through the newspapers condemning muslim people to be once again become a target. I am truly sick of it.
The main problem that's angered me this week has been the issue around aid. Yes we are having problems in this country, we have got ourself into a financial mess but it's our fault. Our problem has been greed and the media's obsession with the quick buck it has not been a flood, it has not been a natural disaster that our country has had no choice in which to face. So when it was announced in the spending review this week that the budget for aid has been increased I never gave it a second thought, it seem the right thing to do and for once the only tory thing I agree with but then the paper got hold of it. 'WE SHOULD LOOK AFTER OUR OWN'. Do these people not understand what is happening in places like Pakistan? Do they not understand the sheer destruction that has happened to these people's lives? If that was us, if we were unlucky enough to have that happen to us would we turn down help and tell the country to help themselves? The massive difference is we would have the structures and money in place to cope with these issues, those countries do not and mainly because as a country we went in their to develop our 'empire' and took everything from them worth having!
It makes me angry that people can be so very selfish, we live in a world at the moment that is getting smaller and responsibility for others doesn't end at the boarder line. If I had a choice I would pay for aid out of my taxes rather than developing nuclear weapons but I understand that in the situation we're in as a power nuclear weapons are necessary, giving aid is not only necessary but the RIGHT thing to do. If people want to stop all aid lets get rid of the benefits system, lets get rid of anything that gives people unfortuante enough to be in a situation where they need help the benefits and aid they need. Just because it's not in our country doesn't mean they're not people, doesn't mean they're not part of the human race and doesn't mean they don't deserve our help.
Someone asked me if I'd rather lose my job or give aid. That's the easiest question I've ever been asked and anyone who needs to think about it really needs to take a long look at themselves and their priorities.

The atheist voice

I have been told several times lately that I'm not allowed to talk about something because of my opinions on the subject. What, I hear you say, could possibly be my opinion-crime, could it be that I champion race hate? Do I think that gay people should be banned from society? No. Lets face it I am never ever going to be that much of an idiot.

My crime is not believing in God.

I am a atheist. Atheism is simply the absence of belief that any deities exist. I do not hate faith. If people want to believe that there is a big guy up in the sky who passes judgement on everything they do then fine, that is their choice but I don't and I don't see why I should be punished for that. If someone could come up to me and give me indisputable proof that God exists then of course I would believe it, I would have no choice but no one can do that. When a scientist discovers a new treatment for a disease the onus is on him to produce the proof, he cannot simply say 'well I know it's true, you can't prove it's not' but this is what we do with religion. Why are the two so separate?
Faith however is not my main problem with religion, the problem I have is with organised religion it's self. I find it massively hypercritical, negative and in our modern day society I find it out dated and in some respects harmful. Why do we need to go into a building so ornate it rivals a palace? Surely the money spent making this building so beautiful could be spent elsewhere? Could be spent feeding the starving children that are littered around the world? Even Jesus himself would worship on the banks of the river.

The person they've deemed the person most appropriate to channel the word of God has spoken out against the importance of contraception, the need to procreate and the evils of being homosexual. How in a developed society can we possibly ever accept views like this? What is more terrifying is the effect his words are having on the less developed countries, people who are more vulnerable to poverty and virus's, such as AIDS, are putting themselves at more risk because that is what the church is advising! If AIDS is going to be the emdemic that destroys the world it is going to be at the church's hands.

What really prompted me to write this however was the fact that if I express these views in public I am told I am a hater of the church and wouldn't ever give it a chance, this is rubbish. I have given the church chances in the past, I have attempted to believe, I tend to not close my mind over to anything and that includes religion but it's not for me and what is so damn wrong with that? Just because I am an atheist doesn't mean my opinions are any less vaild, my decision to not believe were borne from careful consideration and gut feeling alike. If you believe in God then that's fine with me but do not attempt to shove it down my neck and do not tell me that my words are not valid because they are not confirmed by a book that was written by man.

Dahhhhhhh

So I'm ill. There's a suprise. I can honestly say I have had the worst health year of my life and this is coming from someone who had whooping cough when she was five. This however is your common cold. The kind of illness that just knocks all the energy out of you and leaves you feeling weak, hot and highly unattractive. I knew I must have been really bad when Liam came in last night and told me that I needed to take the day off today, never before have I heard Liam say I need to take a day off, the boy is a poster boy for going in and powering on through it. I had to take a holiday day to cover my sickness because yanno in my work being sick is paramount to murder and you will be tried and convicted for it.
This year has made me realise just how important health is to me, one of the afflictions that have come to light this year is always going to be there and could cause some implications for the rest of my life but at least I know what it is, the whole not knowing was the worst thing about the whole episode (okay I lie the constant pain was top but it was a close second). So just waiting on my severly delayed appointment to find out what the treatments are. It's never going to go away but at least there's ways of managing it.
My energy levels are once again dropping and I haven't done anything all day, the furthest I've moved is down the stairs to open the door for Lauren and that pretty much knocked me out. God knows what I'm going to do tomorrow when I have to go back to work, loads of fun. I'll just have to dose myself up on numerous cold and flu tablets and ignore the aches and pains that walking anywhere brings. Oh to be one of those people with immune systems.

Well I'm on the train posting this from my iPhone. It's really quite annoying that blogger hasn't come up with an app to blog easier as I'm writing this on the actual site which is a little more difficult than normal. It has got me thinking about the wonders of technology though. I am sitting here typing away to you who could be reading this in china, it seems like such a normal concept to us mow but in reality it's mind blowing. Technology is making the world an infinitely smaller place. A hundred of years ago someone from the other side of the world would be considered alien, cultures we simply can't understand but now because of the Internet people have a real understanding. Understanding leads to acceptance which means less prejudice which is always good. Anyway I'm going to stop rambling now and play with my Harry potter app. Ah the joys of the modern world.

Why hello there...

Well my blogging side seems to have died lately. I have attempted it but everything I've written has been abandoned half way through simply because it's too dire to put online. I will very suprised if this reaches past that point.

Ok so what's been happening in my life, work is it's usual dire self. We've had a payrise and one day added onto our holidays but we're still far below everyone else, we lack the same holidays and the same pay which is hugely demoralising but it's not just that, it's the lack of support, information and honesty within out organisatin that's really difficult. Anyway work is just one thing.

How about health, well health has had some breakthroughs, finally after seven months of prodding, poking and exploring I finally have a diagnosis and it's the one I figured out at the beginning. Endometriosis. I knew it was, from everything I had read on line, the symptoms just fit and it finally makes sense. As annoying as it is to know there's something there and something that's not going to go away it's at least a diagnosis, I now know I'm not going mad and imagining all sorts. I am worried, it can get worse and it can cause problems with getting pregnant. There was a point when I was younger when I didn't think I wanted kids, they were something that I always thought of as an inconvience to my life, I never considered that I couldn't actually have them. I do want children and of course with Liam, I know no matter what happens I will have kids in some way, through having my own, adoption or fostering, I now can't imagine my life without a family in our future. Something as silly as my body is not going to stop me!

Hum, what else, I am simply looking forward to my holiday now. Barcelona seemed so far away when we first booked it and now even though it's only a week away it still feels forever. I don't think it'll feel like it's really happening until I finish work on Friday and realise I don't have to be in for two whole weeks. Just being off work for that amount of times without the holiday is bliss, the holiday just makes it extra special. I am a little worried about Norway but I am sure it will be fine. Anyway I'm keeping this short because I'm rambling. Going to try and blog much more but I always say that and always fail.

Oh and Happy Birthday Nan <3

There's no place like home

Sunday, sunday, sunday. This used to be my unofficial blogging day, there's something about having nothing written in my diary that encourages me to blog. Monday to Friday is work with a bit of youth work in there for good measure, Saturdays are generally either plans with friends or the boyfriend or youth work catch up along with a good dose of cleaning but Sundays, well, they're designed for reflection.

Today we found out that we don't have to move house again. When Paul came along and told us that he was going to sell one of the flats and it was very likely to be ours visions of boxes, suitcases, packing and unpacking once again came to my head like it has so many times over the past five years. Frantic internet searches and numerous lists of what had to be done have been made, whenever the shit hits the fan I make a list. So we found somewhere that was a tad more expensive than here but had a lovely bathroom and I decided to bite the bullet and phone Paul to let him know we were thinking of leaving and frankly to see just how early we could wangle our deposit out of him. "Situations changed lass, we're not selling the flats". I could not believe what I was hearing, all the stress that had piled on top of me since hearing the words "we're selling" slid away leaving me with the simple sensation of elation. We could stay, we could keep our lovely kooky little flat were to showers controlled by the basin taps. I couldn't have been happier, I was so happy I woke Liam up from his sleep by shaking him shouting "WE CAN STAY", I think the poor boy must have thought I'd gone completly mad.

I've become rather attached to this flat, I know it has it's moments (we really need to get the rave-happy bathroom light sorted out) but I really love living here. I feel comfortable on my own here and I don't mind when everyone's out which is truly a sign of me feeling relaxed. I've moved so many times I'd forgotten what it was like to call somewhere home and really feel like it is. Living with my parents both felt like a jail sentance and borrowed time. I was always waiting for the next argument where my step dad could remind me that this home really wasn't mine and it was only because he 'allowed' me to live there that I could stay. So many tear filled nights in those houses and before that, well before that I was just floating from one place to another waiting for my cue to pack up again and move on. I really feel like I'm finally home, the blow that we had to once again move on was devistating and it feels like there's someone looking after me out there, changing Pauls mind and allowing me to stay...and I don't have to ring bloody sky again.

Tomorrow morning I have to be up at 5:30am in order to go and be interview on Radio Merseyside about our youth project in DCLP. Politics is obviously all over the news at the moment and the fact they're interested in our project is obviously good news. I never ever thought I would have the guts to go on radio but I just need to bite the bullet and do it. I need to push myself more and I am a hell of a lot more confident than I was a few years ago, not only that I'm also a lot more informed than I ever was. I am lucky to be given these opportunities and I know that without them my life would be a whole lot more dull.

Naomi and I are hoping to start up a joint venture from DCLP. We're going to be an organisation that finds work experience and training for young people. Our role would be contacting businesses and organising dates and also finding out from young people what their interests are and finding jobs that match that. It was something that would have been a great help to me when I was younger, so many young people have an idea of what their dream job is without the practical reality. They go through so many years of training and when they get into that job they don't like it. Not only have they wasted money on student loans but they've wasted their time. They're back at square one just with less options. Hopefully we can get this business going, our fee would come from a management fee and I would especially like to go into young offenders institutes and offer this service to them as part of a young person's rehabilitation, something Noami already has experience of.

My job might not be the most exciting thing at the moment but I am being offered amazing opportunities. From Norway to the possibility of opening my own business I am incredibly grateful.

So I guess this is growing up.

It's a Saturday night and instead of being out partying the night away, drinking far too much and taking too many cringeworthy photographs I am sitting at my desk, drinking tea, attempting to write a blog. Is this what they call growing up? Liam is in work so I am left to my own devises and after exhausting the television of all it's reality tv goodness I have turned to the internet to quell my desire to be somewhere else.

It's funny, a year ago I'd have been out dancing until my feet ached, playing drinking games and downing straight shots of vodka before the boys even had a chance but to be honest (oh gosh the feeling sick at the thought of straight vodka just hit me) the appeal of going out has dampened for me. Last time I went out was for Gemma's birthday, a last minute night out, the kind I used to love because you would guarentee they woud be the best nights, but the first bar we walked into had so many people surrounding me my gut reaction was 'Help!'. Confronted by some rowdy lads who thought it would be funny to get up in Liams face and not let us past was just another straw to add to the suprisingly full camels back. We left that bar pretty quick and moved onto the K somewhere that I've spent years in. It was good don't get me wrong, the music wasn't bad and we could dance but I got bored and tired quickly and the idea of curling up in bed with my Liam was much more appealing than watching people dance and cause unnecessary drama (and I admit I was one of those once, much to my shame). So we left and the twenty-two pound cab ride home further pummeled in the idea that town just isn't for me any more.

I know I sound like a little old lady. I am aware that my twenties are meant to be the days when you go out and do all your partying but part of me wonders if I fast forwarded all that when I started at 14. I did the going out every night to clubs when I was 15 and had had enough by the time I was 16. I had a brief reprise last year but by the end I was truly looking for something to give me something else to do. I'm bored of town and doing all that stupid stuff that goes with it. I don't think I'm going to sit back in five or ten years and regret not going out now. When I think back to how I used to be I was a mess and I did some really stupid stuff, I don't regret, it was part of growing up and it has put me in the right mind frame so I can sit down and be okay with staying in now.

Perhaps I did grow up too soon but now I'm in the right place.

Anyway what else has happened. The general election has been announced for the 6th of May and I will be praying that it's a labour victory. I am not a huge labour supporter, I think that they need to get their act together more and they need to put all faith and trust behind Gordon Brown because no one can get anywhere if they dont have faith in their leader. The main reason I shall be voting labour however is so that the Conservative party don't get in. I can honestly say that if they get into power it will be a huge disappointment, it means the older upper classes have once again won out and here we are stuck with a government who does sod all for the majority. We have a labour poster in our window and we're meeting with the candidate for West Kirby tomorrow morning. We need a new system and we do need change but we need to go forwards not backwards in our thinking. Going back to where miners strikes and unemployment were the threads that ran through the decades tapestry is a bad idea, we need progress and we need stability. The conservatives have a policy that gives married couples tax breaks and advocates working at relationships rather than running at the first sign of difficulty perhaps we should take our lead from then and stick with the Labour party through the tought times, they've given us the good and to abandon them because of a world wide recession seems selfish. We need to hold on, keep faith and keep working together to build our economy not just for ourselves but for future generations.

What to blog about

It's official I fail at being a blogger. The problem is my blog needs a point, I can't just ramble on about nothing and make it interesting to anyone but myself and close friends who probably don't know this blog exsists anyway.
I've been thinking about what I can write about, something that I know all about and yet need to go on a journey with, my relationship was the first thing that jumped to my attention. Naturally this highly important figure in my life would be an easy case but I don't want our relationship splashed all over the internet, he doesn't even have a facebook and to him people already put far too much of themselves on the internet, I can't imagine him being too thrilled if he becomes the topic for a self indulgent blog just because I'm struggling to make myself interesting. So what else?
I could write about politics but who would read it, when you say politics to our generation they dismiss it quicker than Jordan does husbands. It frustrates me, politics is in everything we do, anyone who has an opinion, anyone who moans about their taxes or even something as simple as how much a bus costs is all down to politics. Our lives are ruled by what political party is in power and who makes the decisions above our heads. How can people not be interested in that? How can they not put two and two together and come up with a particular interest in a political party that is really representing them. Perhaps if people took a proper interest, the whole country politicians would not be able to bullshit, they would actually have to start doing something and that's when we get change. How can there only be interest when their expenses are in question? People are more interested in reading about how bad politicians are in comparison to the rest of us, declarations of "well we wouldn't do that!" get shouted from everywhere, shouted from the middle class, shouting from the benefit thieves who, after all, are only putting into practice a Robin Hood tax.
I apparently have just written about politics. Maybe I should just write about what's going on in the world, the little things that make my blood boil or make me smile or simply just give me cause for hope because after all hope is the one thing in this world that we need to make it better. A little hope, a little belief and a hell of a lot of drive to actually get up and do something. There are no doubt many blogs out there talking about the world and the shit that goes on but luckily I have the opportunity to do something about it and I plan on putting my all in.