There's no place like home

Sunday, sunday, sunday. This used to be my unofficial blogging day, there's something about having nothing written in my diary that encourages me to blog. Monday to Friday is work with a bit of youth work in there for good measure, Saturdays are generally either plans with friends or the boyfriend or youth work catch up along with a good dose of cleaning but Sundays, well, they're designed for reflection.

Today we found out that we don't have to move house again. When Paul came along and told us that he was going to sell one of the flats and it was very likely to be ours visions of boxes, suitcases, packing and unpacking once again came to my head like it has so many times over the past five years. Frantic internet searches and numerous lists of what had to be done have been made, whenever the shit hits the fan I make a list. So we found somewhere that was a tad more expensive than here but had a lovely bathroom and I decided to bite the bullet and phone Paul to let him know we were thinking of leaving and frankly to see just how early we could wangle our deposit out of him. "Situations changed lass, we're not selling the flats". I could not believe what I was hearing, all the stress that had piled on top of me since hearing the words "we're selling" slid away leaving me with the simple sensation of elation. We could stay, we could keep our lovely kooky little flat were to showers controlled by the basin taps. I couldn't have been happier, I was so happy I woke Liam up from his sleep by shaking him shouting "WE CAN STAY", I think the poor boy must have thought I'd gone completly mad.

I've become rather attached to this flat, I know it has it's moments (we really need to get the rave-happy bathroom light sorted out) but I really love living here. I feel comfortable on my own here and I don't mind when everyone's out which is truly a sign of me feeling relaxed. I've moved so many times I'd forgotten what it was like to call somewhere home and really feel like it is. Living with my parents both felt like a jail sentance and borrowed time. I was always waiting for the next argument where my step dad could remind me that this home really wasn't mine and it was only because he 'allowed' me to live there that I could stay. So many tear filled nights in those houses and before that, well before that I was just floating from one place to another waiting for my cue to pack up again and move on. I really feel like I'm finally home, the blow that we had to once again move on was devistating and it feels like there's someone looking after me out there, changing Pauls mind and allowing me to stay...and I don't have to ring bloody sky again.

Tomorrow morning I have to be up at 5:30am in order to go and be interview on Radio Merseyside about our youth project in DCLP. Politics is obviously all over the news at the moment and the fact they're interested in our project is obviously good news. I never ever thought I would have the guts to go on radio but I just need to bite the bullet and do it. I need to push myself more and I am a hell of a lot more confident than I was a few years ago, not only that I'm also a lot more informed than I ever was. I am lucky to be given these opportunities and I know that without them my life would be a whole lot more dull.

Naomi and I are hoping to start up a joint venture from DCLP. We're going to be an organisation that finds work experience and training for young people. Our role would be contacting businesses and organising dates and also finding out from young people what their interests are and finding jobs that match that. It was something that would have been a great help to me when I was younger, so many young people have an idea of what their dream job is without the practical reality. They go through so many years of training and when they get into that job they don't like it. Not only have they wasted money on student loans but they've wasted their time. They're back at square one just with less options. Hopefully we can get this business going, our fee would come from a management fee and I would especially like to go into young offenders institutes and offer this service to them as part of a young person's rehabilitation, something Noami already has experience of.

My job might not be the most exciting thing at the moment but I am being offered amazing opportunities. From Norway to the possibility of opening my own business I am incredibly grateful.

So I guess this is growing up.

It's a Saturday night and instead of being out partying the night away, drinking far too much and taking too many cringeworthy photographs I am sitting at my desk, drinking tea, attempting to write a blog. Is this what they call growing up? Liam is in work so I am left to my own devises and after exhausting the television of all it's reality tv goodness I have turned to the internet to quell my desire to be somewhere else.

It's funny, a year ago I'd have been out dancing until my feet ached, playing drinking games and downing straight shots of vodka before the boys even had a chance but to be honest (oh gosh the feeling sick at the thought of straight vodka just hit me) the appeal of going out has dampened for me. Last time I went out was for Gemma's birthday, a last minute night out, the kind I used to love because you would guarentee they woud be the best nights, but the first bar we walked into had so many people surrounding me my gut reaction was 'Help!'. Confronted by some rowdy lads who thought it would be funny to get up in Liams face and not let us past was just another straw to add to the suprisingly full camels back. We left that bar pretty quick and moved onto the K somewhere that I've spent years in. It was good don't get me wrong, the music wasn't bad and we could dance but I got bored and tired quickly and the idea of curling up in bed with my Liam was much more appealing than watching people dance and cause unnecessary drama (and I admit I was one of those once, much to my shame). So we left and the twenty-two pound cab ride home further pummeled in the idea that town just isn't for me any more.

I know I sound like a little old lady. I am aware that my twenties are meant to be the days when you go out and do all your partying but part of me wonders if I fast forwarded all that when I started at 14. I did the going out every night to clubs when I was 15 and had had enough by the time I was 16. I had a brief reprise last year but by the end I was truly looking for something to give me something else to do. I'm bored of town and doing all that stupid stuff that goes with it. I don't think I'm going to sit back in five or ten years and regret not going out now. When I think back to how I used to be I was a mess and I did some really stupid stuff, I don't regret, it was part of growing up and it has put me in the right mind frame so I can sit down and be okay with staying in now.

Perhaps I did grow up too soon but now I'm in the right place.

Anyway what else has happened. The general election has been announced for the 6th of May and I will be praying that it's a labour victory. I am not a huge labour supporter, I think that they need to get their act together more and they need to put all faith and trust behind Gordon Brown because no one can get anywhere if they dont have faith in their leader. The main reason I shall be voting labour however is so that the Conservative party don't get in. I can honestly say that if they get into power it will be a huge disappointment, it means the older upper classes have once again won out and here we are stuck with a government who does sod all for the majority. We have a labour poster in our window and we're meeting with the candidate for West Kirby tomorrow morning. We need a new system and we do need change but we need to go forwards not backwards in our thinking. Going back to where miners strikes and unemployment were the threads that ran through the decades tapestry is a bad idea, we need progress and we need stability. The conservatives have a policy that gives married couples tax breaks and advocates working at relationships rather than running at the first sign of difficulty perhaps we should take our lead from then and stick with the Labour party through the tought times, they've given us the good and to abandon them because of a world wide recession seems selfish. We need to hold on, keep faith and keep working together to build our economy not just for ourselves but for future generations.